They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
