My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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