I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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