R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
