what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
