she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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