Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
