A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
