a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
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