so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
