I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
