If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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