I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
