so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Randomize
