I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
