I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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