I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
