My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Someone came in the potted fern
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
