Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
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