I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
