Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
