u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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