Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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