The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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