so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
