So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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