I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I just had sex on a roof
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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