She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
do herpes really smell.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
