So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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