Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
