So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
