guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
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I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
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I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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