I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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