Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
