He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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