in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
