They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Can I color on your dick again?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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