my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
