i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
