I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
