and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
