Define "chronic" masturbator.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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