i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
