I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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