it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
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whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
