That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
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I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
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Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
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