You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
