if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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