Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
