Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
