I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Shame is for Republicans.
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