I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
