Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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