he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
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