I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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